As I was walking back home tonight, enjoying the last summer nights, I was reflecting on life. I’ve been doing that a lot this past few months.
Why am I alone ? Am I gonna be a lone wolf forever ?
I am afraid, that it is going to be a long path to walk alone. I’ve been trying to enjoy my own company more than usual. Everywhere I go I see those couples, walking hands in hands, laughing together, at there inside jokes.
And I find myself wondering, that I might be one of those old ladies taking the bus by themselves, grocery shopping with no kids items on the list, no partners late night chips to share while watching a boring movie.
Why am I here, if it’s to be just me ?
I looked at the immensity of the stars on the black and white canvas, exhaling and inhaling deeply, hands in my pockets, hoody on my head, hair in the wind.
I feel free, completely liberated of anything and everything.
Observing this other alone human, with her long shawl on her back, calling her fury company by her loving name.
Misty, Misty, where are you darling ? I can’t see you!
I don’t have anyone name to call in the middle of the night.
She is outside, in the yard, slippers on feet and stress in her high pitch voice.
Misty, come home Misty…
Shaking her treats in one hand, rubbing her forehead with the other.
I feel like a voyeur looking out to another script being played, right there, in front on my slow footsteps after a long day, spent alone, taking care of others health.
I don’t have a name to call, a soul to care for, besides mine.
She walks, towards the same apartment door I’m reaching, a nice big fluffly gray cat in her arms. Misty has wild eyes and a fast breathing. A cat scared of the unknown, just like I am.
We share the same elevator together.
Which floor ? I ask
Third please, she has been missing all day, I thought I lost her forever but I went to bed and I heard her little meow outside, in the dark, I heard her cleary in the silence of the night.
Maybe, that’s why I was alone today, for another day, I needed to witness that everyone is, to a certain extent living their own story. Her Misty was gone, during long lonely hours when she thought she would be like me, alone again.
The joy, happiness and relief, to find, something that you thought you had lost forever, come back to you in the unexpected darkness of the summer night.
What a wonderful little moment to share with a stranger and a wild eyed cat.
Both will probably sleep soundly tonight, purring to each other’s company.
Maybe I am not alone after all, I just need to be open to witness the little miracles of life.
And be happy, to be at peace with me.