I have been postponing taking a nap today, promising myself I would go to bed fairly early tonight. Here I am, on the twenty first hour, widely awake, listening to loud music with this feeling in my chest. Words are banging inside my ribcage to get out and get inked on a white screen. A shot of my life thoughts without a word leaving my lips.
I forgot who I was lately, who I am. Focused so much on the acupuncturist finish line, I blatantly hid my writer’s side in the closet. Between the unworn shoes and summer sexy tops, my soul was kinda lost in the dark of the to-do lists. Working day and nights to pay the bills that undoubtedly will finish as scrap paper for my poetic mind.
Yesterday, as I was searching in my mountain of diplomas acquired the last years, all drawers open, my heart racing at the thought of having lost one important piece. My fingers retrieved a fucking bunch of poems, thoughts and short stories. I literally forgot to write lately. I felt the words, inhabiting me, surging at the most improbable times, appearing in my car while rushing to work, or during an early shower after a run to clear my mind.
I was telling myself, I’ll take the time later. It’s been too long.
I’ve always been a writer, very recently am I becoming something else. But the words are and will always be my greatest love.
I could live on love and words.
And sometime maybe water…and beer, yeah.
We take our words for granted. The power of them. A simple word can change your day.
Is a strong one.
Texted at last, followed by a deafening silence.
I am trying this year, to word my thoughts and feelings better. To say what I really wanna say, with no added LOL or joke or pun, to speak freely, unapologetically, and responsably. I wanna have real conversations.
Words unsaid can haunt you for days, months, years, for a lifetime.
I vow to not have any this year, no more unspokeness in my world.
Telling a friend they look pretty and meaning it. Asking prior to kissing someone. Wording my real feelings, i’m scared, i’m excited, I am happy to see you, I don’t want us to see each other again, I might be falling in love, I am not interested, I am very into you.
It is hard, to speak what you say inside your mind while looking someone dead in the eyes.
It is especially hard in the dating world but not solely in it. To be real, with parents, friends, possible love interests.
I wanna hear your voice speaking your truths, however hurtful or pleasant it might be.
I wanna hear you whisper words to me, at 3 am, while you are lying next to me in the dark.
Really seeing you.
Listening to the lyrics of your soul.
Through the power of your mouth close to mine.
Talk to me…..